Thursday 14/01/2010

Lloydus taken to ER approx 9 pm.  Into resuscitation …BP critically low.  Nothing found explaining severity of sympptoms to piece together and diagnosis.

Certain things suggested, nothing confirmed.  Pointing towards internal bleeding.

Gastroscope looking for bleed in stomach form ulcer (?) due to meds taken without food.  Nothing found.

Emergency operation.  Kate, Dena and myself warned of high risk.

Awful.  This was awful. Everything became horribly awful and sad…but you bloody stayed in that theatre- on stage – for a long time.  I like this.  I knew you’d now kick through.

The doctors, nurses and surgeons were fantastic Lloyd.  They really looked after you.

The three of us were shocked due to you having septic shock!  How could this be happening?!

You went in at approx 2 am, coming out approx 5.30 am.

Dena, Kate and myself sat in a little waiting room with 3 purple, hard vinyl couches.  Bar fridge.  Instant boiling hot water.  I’d bought in rice crackers and a couple of bananas.  We went through so many emotions thinking of you and although we feared the worst we all help a private flare of hope on the horizon line of sea and sky.  Three strong women holding up together to hold you up.  We stared at the walls.  Talked. Cried. Laughed.  Felt dislocated by the shock.  Talked to to doctors, nurses and surgeons.  We talked to you too later when you came out.  Kate was at St Vincents by then.  We came i to see you two at a time.  We touched you, talked to you, held your hands, stroked your hair.

At around 8.00am Kate, Dena and myself left. Kate Blakeley stayed on with you.

We were told you were going to be critical for the next 24 hours at least and you were to stay in the induced coma.

Friday 15/01/2010

Somewhat more stabilised today, still classed as critical.  Doctors slightly decreased meds and you held on and stayed put.  This was promising news!

Through a night walk of lowers ( dressed in silk, linen; imagined) the body sighed, heaved, wrenched.

Friends and family cried beneath fluorescent lights dry blue burn.  Holding.

between wrapped palms a warming, quiet flame; a lick of fire, a host of seraphim, the opening bloom of the lotus

Time lapse, holding, for you..

My thanks to Julie for recording this, it was many weeks before I was able to read it.

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About dyoll09

Baby Boomer ex pat in azia for 10 years. Male. Now in Melbourne for chemotherapy.

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